she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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