he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
