i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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