also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
