Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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