Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
