Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
