I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
