i already hear my dad disowning me
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She even gives head with a lisp.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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