My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
