Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
bring money and cleavage
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
