sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
