Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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