And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
