If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
