well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
