Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
