New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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