i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
