So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
