Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
