I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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