please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Rumble strips road head = magical
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
