Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
