Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The power of my boobs compel you
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
