I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
