So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Your tits are I can't wait for
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
