I want to have your abortion
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
