I wish I could teleport
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
