he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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