God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
