why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Send help, water and tortillas.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
