I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
