I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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