you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
