I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
