she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
