I will die if light touches me.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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