I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
