now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
