Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
