It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
