How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
