: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
