I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just want to make out with him forever
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
