So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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