this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
