At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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