Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
dude. I can hear the air.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
