I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
