Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We had to coat check the pizza.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
